Sunday, February 12, 2012
Breaking the rules
i gender in layers like i'm getting ready to go out in the cold. you might think you've got it figured out, but really there's more hidden just underneath.
Religion & gender
How has religion--or the absence of one--impacted your gender?
How has your spiritual path impacted your gender?
this is a big one. the reason i ultimately broke with the Catholic church was that one day in my high school classroom, i was listening to a couple of other girls talk about what they had learned in sex ed in middle school. we were comparing experiences. one of them said that her Catholic school had taught her, "some people are gay and it's ok to be homosexual as long as you don't act on it, but there's no such thing as bisexual." at that moment, i realized that i could no longer be a part of a church that didn't even recognize my existence.
that has continued to seem like a good criterion for a spiritual community. if i ever join a church again, it will need to be a church that has room for my whole experience.
my personal spirituality is a disorganized mess, but when i don't talk too much about it, it tends to find a peaceful equilibrium. much like my gender, come to think of it.
How has your spiritual path impacted your gender?
this is a big one. the reason i ultimately broke with the Catholic church was that one day in my high school classroom, i was listening to a couple of other girls talk about what they had learned in sex ed in middle school. we were comparing experiences. one of them said that her Catholic school had taught her, "some people are gay and it's ok to be homosexual as long as you don't act on it, but there's no such thing as bisexual." at that moment, i realized that i could no longer be a part of a church that didn't even recognize my existence.
that has continued to seem like a good criterion for a spiritual community. if i ever join a church again, it will need to be a church that has room for my whole experience.
my personal spirituality is a disorganized mess, but when i don't talk too much about it, it tends to find a peaceful equilibrium. much like my gender, come to think of it.
Politics & gender
How does politics impact your gender?
i'm pretty sure all of my politics are feminist politics. i hate the word 'feminist'; it always makes me think of angry boot-wearing lesbians who hate men and yell a lot. not that there is anything wrong with boot-wearing lesbians; it's the implied anger that gets me. to me, feminism should be about equality more than anger. feminism doesn't mean making women more than; it means making people equals.
i believe that misogyny is the root of all evil. hatred of women leads to violence against women, violence against straight men because of women, violence against gay men, violence against anyone who is perceived as violating the gender binary. homophobia is misogyny. transphobia is misogyny. patriarchy does not have to be misogyny, but is so often (mis)interpreted that way. in that sense, all of my politics and certainly all of my political activism are feminist, because those are the things i work to end.
i don't know if my identity as a femme/female strengthens my resolve politically, but i am sure that my dedication to anti-misogynistic causes has strengthened my pride in my woman identity. fighting misogyny that affects others has helped me to overcome my own internalized misogyny against myself, and that--that has to be worth something.
i'm pretty sure all of my politics are feminist politics. i hate the word 'feminist'; it always makes me think of angry boot-wearing lesbians who hate men and yell a lot. not that there is anything wrong with boot-wearing lesbians; it's the implied anger that gets me. to me, feminism should be about equality more than anger. feminism doesn't mean making women more than; it means making people equals.
i believe that misogyny is the root of all evil. hatred of women leads to violence against women, violence against straight men because of women, violence against gay men, violence against anyone who is perceived as violating the gender binary. homophobia is misogyny. transphobia is misogyny. patriarchy does not have to be misogyny, but is so often (mis)interpreted that way. in that sense, all of my politics and certainly all of my political activism are feminist, because those are the things i work to end.
i don't know if my identity as a femme/female strengthens my resolve politically, but i am sure that my dedication to anti-misogynistic causes has strengthened my pride in my woman identity. fighting misogyny that affects others has helped me to overcome my own internalized misogyny against myself, and that--that has to be worth something.
What's Age Got to Do With It?
How does your age impact your gender?
my gender has changed over time, but i think that's a characteristic of my gender more than a reflection of my age. i was very girly as a small child; i grew into "baggy pants with tight shirts OR tight pants with baggy shirts" around middle school; and of course i got way dykier when i went away to college. now i'm more comfortable with the various parts of my gender; i'm more practiced at picking and choosing pieces every day.
i feel like the responsibilities i have held at different ages have impacted my performance of gender more than my age itself. i was very androgynous in college because i was held to so few standards. i wore a uniform every day until i graduated high school, and at that time i certainly wasn't going to be one of the girls who wore pants, so it was practically a non-issue. now in a professional setting, i feel like i have to be feminine more often than not, but i'm trying to queer it as often as i can.
my gender has changed over time, but i think that's a characteristic of my gender more than a reflection of my age. i was very girly as a small child; i grew into "baggy pants with tight shirts OR tight pants with baggy shirts" around middle school; and of course i got way dykier when i went away to college. now i'm more comfortable with the various parts of my gender; i'm more practiced at picking and choosing pieces every day.
i feel like the responsibilities i have held at different ages have impacted my performance of gender more than my age itself. i was very androgynous in college because i was held to so few standards. i wore a uniform every day until i graduated high school, and at that time i certainly wasn't going to be one of the girls who wore pants, so it was practically a non-issue. now in a professional setting, i feel like i have to be feminine more often than not, but i'm trying to queer it as often as i can.
What's Your Gender?
Kate Bornstein, gender destroyer extraordinaire, has posted a series of questions to her blog while she updates "My Gender Workbook." here's my answer to the first one.
What's your gender?
femme.
more specifically: genderqueer femme dyke.
'dyke' for me feels like a gender more than a sexual orientation. if you want my sexual orientation, i could give it to you, but my interpretation of 'dyke' has to do with the gendered appearance of a specific sort of lesbians. kind of androgynous, but still obviously feminine.
'genderqueer': i like to swing back and forth on the gender pendulum. sometimes i even visit the ends of the spectrum, just for kicks. most of the time, i sway somewhere near the middle. my masculine end comes out as a misogynistic, homophobic drag king who's a closet gay. my feminine end appears in a little black dress and pearls. but if i look like a 12-year-old boy all the time, i don't think i'll be that upset about it.
'femme' is the way i perform myself for an audience of others. femme is in my interactions & my affectations. i'll be the first to admit i do not perform it with the flawless grace of high femmes--the other parts of my gender intervene.
What's your gender?
femme.
more specifically: genderqueer femme dyke.
'dyke' for me feels like a gender more than a sexual orientation. if you want my sexual orientation, i could give it to you, but my interpretation of 'dyke' has to do with the gendered appearance of a specific sort of lesbians. kind of androgynous, but still obviously feminine.
'genderqueer': i like to swing back and forth on the gender pendulum. sometimes i even visit the ends of the spectrum, just for kicks. most of the time, i sway somewhere near the middle. my masculine end comes out as a misogynistic, homophobic drag king who's a closet gay. my feminine end appears in a little black dress and pearls. but if i look like a 12-year-old boy all the time, i don't think i'll be that upset about it.
'femme' is the way i perform myself for an audience of others. femme is in my interactions & my affectations. i'll be the first to admit i do not perform it with the flawless grace of high femmes--the other parts of my gender intervene.
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