the difference between dysphoria and negative body image
i feel a responsibility to post this after my post a couple weeks ago. i'm still forming my own opinion.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
subtle cues
i just got engaged. i'm thrilled about it; i couldn't be happier to be with this person and i'm excited to promise officially that we're going to spend the rest of our lives together. my fiance gave me a beautiful engagement ring with meanings that are so uniquely us, and i love it. i challenge you to think of a more feminizing accessory.
it's not that i'm not happy or proud to marry to my partner. it's more that my internal gender is not one to match a big shiny engagement ring all the time. no matter what the rest of me is wearing, my left ring finger screams WOMAN in all the loudest of tones. there are times when that is completely appropriate and it perfects my outward gender ensemble in a way that i just learned exists. there are also times when it feels like a giveaway, like my voice when somebody asks for the time.
the expectation when somebody receives an engagement ring is that they will wear it all the time, to signal their full-time commitment to their partner. it marks me not only as woman but as his woman, as one who belongs to someone else. the feminist in me resists, even while the femme in me revels at the designation. of course i want to be his; that doesn't mean i'm always in a situation where i need the woman part proclaimed loudly with glitter.
there is no paradox here, but it feels like one.
it's not that i'm not happy or proud to marry to my partner. it's more that my internal gender is not one to match a big shiny engagement ring all the time. no matter what the rest of me is wearing, my left ring finger screams WOMAN in all the loudest of tones. there are times when that is completely appropriate and it perfects my outward gender ensemble in a way that i just learned exists. there are also times when it feels like a giveaway, like my voice when somebody asks for the time.
the expectation when somebody receives an engagement ring is that they will wear it all the time, to signal their full-time commitment to their partner. it marks me not only as woman but as his woman, as one who belongs to someone else. the feminist in me resists, even while the femme in me revels at the designation. of course i want to be his; that doesn't mean i'm always in a situation where i need the woman part proclaimed loudly with glitter.
there is no paradox here, but it feels like one.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
finding common threads
i think what i want you to understand, just like any person whose body image complicates their life, is that what you see when you look at me may not be the same as what i see when i look in the mirror. my self-perception of my body does not (always) match what people tell me it should be.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
what genderqueer feels like
genderqueer: feeling pressured to present as one gender over another, when you really want to express as many as there are.
i may look like a woman most days, but that doesn't mean that's all i am. i need time to be a boy, too, and everything in between. i am so fascinated by the incredible array of genders in front of me that i want to try them all on. i take the pieces i like from each one and mix-and-match.
i like the look of me, mix-and-matched.
i may look like a woman most days, but that doesn't mean that's all i am. i need time to be a boy, too, and everything in between. i am so fascinated by the incredible array of genders in front of me that i want to try them all on. i take the pieces i like from each one and mix-and-match.
i like the look of me, mix-and-matched.
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